Have you ever heard the statement that some people have a problem for every solution? That's exactly what I'm speaking about here. No matter how much you want things to be different, most of the time they just aren't. Put together another formula, another environment, then maybe, but can you squeeze the real you out of yourself in an effort to adjust to the situation or to the person? How long would you be able to maintain yourself in this uncomfortable posture and why should you?
Healing is a process and not always a linear one. I would venture to say that most of the time it is not a linear process. What we have to do is be kind to ourselves, even in our grieving. Be patient with ourselves and know that though we may not feel it immediately, making a decision for our best care will pay dividends in the long run. Remember this may take a while, healing is not a linear process; but give yourself the time and give yourself credit for making a decision toward your own happiness. Find small things to be grateful for; " I got up, I have legs to walk, eyes to see and food to eat, I'm good." Keep moving forward with this attitude. I salute you!